A lot of women and girls ask me, “How can I feel confident about my body image or looks when the media only showcases perfection?” First I like to encourage people to own their feelings and not take a victim mentally as if someone is doing something to you that is out of their control. When we blame someone or something for how we feel we give away our power and assume there is nothing we can do to change how we feel.

I’m of the strong belief that no one and no thing can take away your power unless you let it. I didn’t always feel this way. In fact, I was notorious for pointing the finger at big establishments accusing them of making me feel like I wasn’t enough. Although I felt justified in my views those views never made me feel any better about myself.

Now, before you jump ship on reading the rest of this blog, I’m not saying that the media doesn’t influence our self-image because studies prove that they do. There are however ways to not let the media influence your body confidence in a negative way. Below are a few of my personal secrets that will help you keep the media from destroying your body confidence:

1. Choose your media wisely. In this day and age we have an abundance of media to suit just about every personality under the sun. If Vogue or Elle magazine intimidate you, don’t pick them up. Seek out and support magazines, websites and blogs that give you a balanced perspective of health, exercise, fitness, love and life. The same goes for television, now with the invent of Tivo you can skip all those commercial bookmarks that surround your favorite television shows. Here are some of my favorite: www.girltalkHQ.com, www.thedailylove.com/, www.selfcreation.com

2. Use your critical thinking skills when viewing media. Many times we use media as a way to escape or relax after a long hard day, but doing this can make us extremely vulnerable. When we turn off our critical thinking skills while watching the media we become more susceptible to internalizing messages that prey on our inadequacies. Don’t take everything you see and hear as gossip, ask questions. Jennifer Pozner, author of Reality Bites Back gives some great questions to keep top of mind when watching television.

3. Take responsibility for your feelings. Your feelings are yours and you make the choice to feel however you want to feel. This is not an easy concept to take in, but it is necessary if you desire to have a more positive experience with the media you encounter on a daily bases. Dare to feel those negative emotions that come up for you around certain media and seek to heal those emotions instead of blaming.

What are some of the ways you stop the media from destroying your body confidence? Share your thoughts with other inquiring minds below.

The body cannot become confident without the will of the mind. And the mind needs a body to exert its will on to actually achieve what the mind has set out to accomplish. The body is simply one of numerous recipients of your ability to follow through on the 3 steps below.

Here is the definition of Confidence from Merriar-Webster dictionary:

1a : a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances 

  b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way 

2: the quality or state of being certain: certitude 

3a : a relation of trust or intimacy 

  b : reliance on another’s discretion

4: a communication made in confidence: secret

Now that the semantics are out of the way, let’s explore how to train your brain to accept your body.

1. Make a commitment. Write it down. Post it up. Commit to doing an activity with your body that does not require much effort that you already know how to do. For instances if you are capable of walking then commit to walking for five days in a row for five minutes. Each day you do the activity place a check on that same paper you wrote your commitment on.

2. Build on your commitment every time you accomplish your goal. You walked five minutes every day for the last 5 days, now add 5 minutes and/or 5 more days.

3. Repeat steps one and two over and over again until you are certain that you can trust that you will follow through on the commitments you set for yourself.

Building confidence is a function of you being able to trust what you say you will do. When you learn to honor your word and keep it sacred you will hold the consciousness of one’s powers (hint: this is the definition of the word confidence above). Now, isn’t that refreshing? For more confidence boosters, download a free chapter of Fearless Beauty. 

She taught me that my appearance matters and I should always dress appropriate for the occasion. To this day I would not be caught dead wearing a wrinkled shirt or God forbid have strings hanging from your skirt. I also picked up on many of her subtle self-belittling comments she would have with herself in front of the mirror. She was always on a diet, finishing a diet or about to start a diet. Her weight was a major point of contention and she never seemed to be happy with her body no matter what her weight was.

Before I started my journey of self-acceptance I would always be very critical of my body and although I’ve never been overweight. I have been at times overly concerned with my appearance to the point I would show up late for very important meetings because something seemed out of place. Or, I have refused to wear shorts in 100 degree weather because I could see a dimple or two in the meaty part of my thigh.

You too have likely picked up a thing or two about your body from your mother that has you a little or a lot concerned with your appearance. Your mother may have planted those self-critical seeds in your head, but there is no need for you to keep tending to that garden if it is not making you feel confident about your body.

Body confidence starts with forgiveness. Meaning, letting go of all those thoughts about your body that doesn’t support you feeling good about your body. Do a body check in the mirror and as you scan different parts of your body be aware if that little voice in your head. Is it your own or your mother’s? If it is your mother’s and it is not positive, first thank that little voice for sharing and declare you are ready to start a new internal dialogue.

This mother’s day be sure to thank your mother for all the wonderful gifts she has given you and share with her some of the positive declarations you have made for yourself around your body. It just might inspire a whole new level of body confidence in her!!!

Related articles

• Lutz Fit Body Boot Camp Gives Moms the Gift of Health This Mother’s Day
• Be Gracious: Gift Ideas for Mom on Mother’s Day
• Google Celebrates Mom’s In New Ad “Here’s To The Moms”
• My Mom – The most beautiful woman!

This Fearless Beauty was on The View yesterday, and her interview with Barbara Walters was beyond inspirational. What Adrianne Haslet has experienced in the last week and a half is enough to bring tears to your eyes.

Last Monday, when the tragedies swept the city of Boston, Adrianne, who has a passion for dancing, was enjoying a day off with her husband, strolling through the heart of her city. The first bomb went off, and the couple knew something was wrong, Adrianne knew that she wasn’t experiencing typical fanfare. Minutes later, the second explosion, which knocked her to the ground certified her initial thought that this was something serious.

This second explosion was the one which took her foot. With her foot, it took her ability to dance as she has for years. Upon the realization that her foot was amputated from the knee down was incredibly shocking and emotional, as we can imagine it would be. This feeling is something we never hope to experience, and Adrianne had the unfortunate destiny to feel this pain and shock.

After the initial shock, she overcame her new reality and vowed that she would dance again. She is getting accustomed to her new life without her foot, and she promised to run the Boston Marathon in 2014. The promises she made to herself are what define her in my eyes as a Fearless Beauty.

Instead of taking her new circumstances as the end of her life as she knew it, she accepted it and promised to not let it get in her way. Adrianne, Fearless Beauty of the week, take something from her story, be it inspiration, thankfulness, or an eye-opening realization.

Stay Fearless, Beauties.

Take a look at Adrianne on The View, talking with Barbara Walters.

http://beta.abc.go.com/shows/the-view/video/PL5554876/_m_VD55299914

Related articles

• A heart-warming story of Jon and Adrianne
• ‘DWTS’ showing the love to Adrianne Haslet-Davis
• Wounded dancer Adrianne Haslet-Davis to be on ‘DWTS’
• Adrianne Haslet-Davis Vows to Thrive After Surviving Boston Blast
• Badass Chick of the Week: Adrianne Haslet-Davis
• Why bomb victim Adrianne Haslet-Davis is US talisman

Perfumes and colognes are oftentimes something we all use and really don’t think much about. A few spritzes before we leave the house for the day, and we’re on our way. Throughout the day we’ll have a few wafts of our favorite fragrance and that’s it.

The issue with store bought fragrances is actually the word itself: “fragrance.” When looking at the ingredient label on your perfume bottle, among the unpronounceable types of alcohol is always just a simple, “fragrance.” This includes all of the extracts and oils that the brand chose to include in this scent. The governmental regulators don’t require the brands to list each, individual scent, so they are all clustered together as “fragrance.” You have no idea what went into this spray that you’re exposing yourself to everyday!

Here’s the easiest way to make your own perfume. Find a pretty, glass spritzer bottle at any craft store, some grain alcohol, and some of your favorite essential oils. (I like citrus & rose.) Just fill your container about halfway with the alcohol, and add about 30 drops of the oils. Shake well so it’s all combined, and you’re all set. This is inexpensive and healthy. You know exactly what you’re spraying and it smells amazing.

Perfume works because the alcohol is sprayed on the skin, or clothing and evaporates very quickly, leaving the intensified fragrance behind to last throughout the day.

Related articles

• Plumeria Perfume
• Best Bet: Fragrance Literature
• Whiskey and Gin colognes launched
• the fancy plus sophisticatedly good perfume.
• Eau so exclusive
• Scent Tailoring Perfumes – Commodity Premium Fragrances are Simple and Affordable (TrendHunter.com)

This does not surprise me at all. As a makeup artist for the last ten years, I get to hear it all. When a woman sits in my makeup chair, she rarely has anything positive to say about her looks. It is definitely disheartening. The main point of this Dove video is why I wrote my book Fearless Beauty: A Woman’s Guide to Living Bold, Beautiful & Free. I want to help break down the blocks that prevent women from seeing their natural beauty and embrace the fullness of who she is.

As you can see in the video, women are hard on themselves. It’s clear that when we are asked to describe ourselves, we don’t want to accurately describe our positive features. We tend to downplay them. Why is this? Well, there’s a negative stigma out there for people that think highly of themselves. When someone says how they feel pretty, or think they look good, there’s always someone rolling their eyes, or saying they’re self-centered or conceited. This isn’t how it should be! We should all be saying how awesome we feel all of the time and how much we love the way we look. Since when was it better to walk around feeling terrible about ourselves instead of knowing how gorgeous we are and flaunting it!?

This stigma is painful. It prevents women from focusing on anything positive about their bodies, and encourages them to focus on the negatives, and even emphasize them. The stigma makes our pores 10 times bigger, our nose 15 times more crooked, and our skin 20 times more wrinkled and flawed. Guess what? It’s not. It’s perfect. We are all beautiful and we need to realize that! We must stop hating on ourselves and forget the stigma.

What do you think of yourself? You probably don’t love everything about your face, or your body. Okay, that’s understandable, we’re never 100% happy with every, single aspect of ourselves. Let’s learn to love those things. I want you to feel the beauty that you have. Write down three things that you LOVE about yourself. Just write them down. These three things can turn into six, and then twelve, keep the list going!

Once you realize what you totally love about yourself, just focus on those things. Think about them and emphasize them. Once you’re aware of how much you love yourself, you won’t speak badly about them. You wouldn’t speak badly about your best friend, so don’t speak badly about your skin, hair, face, love handles, etc. Your body is with you through thick and thin, so respect it and love it, just like it was your best friend. This is what an ideal world would look like, women loving their appearances!

Instead of making your face over, give your mind a makeover! You don’t need lipstick and botox to be beautiful; you need to realize you’re absolutely beautiful, minus all of the other additions. Make your mind over!

Back to my book, Fearless Beauty: A Woman’s Guide to Living Bold, Beautiful and Free. This is your key to feeling better about yourself. You’ll have a new-found awareness of what’s inside of you making you feel the way you do. In the journey you’ll take with my book, you’ll feel better about yourself and those around you. All women deserve to feel beautiful and in-turn BE beautiful. Fearless Beauty can do that for you.

Related articles

• Mindful Makeover Monday: Product Promises
• Wednesday Wellness: What’s on your face?
• Show Us Your Favorite Before-and-After Makeovers on Instagram!
• Why does young adult fiction keep giving its heroines makeovers?
• How About That: Porn Stars Look Different Before and After Their Makeup Makeovers

This week I had the privilege of being on two radio shows talking about Fearless Beauty: A Woman’s Guide to Living Bold, Beautiful & Free. You can listen to either show by clicking through to the links at the bottom of this post.

On Tuesday evening one of the guest who called into the show said she couldn’t afford to forgive a certain person in her life because they had hurt her too many times and too many other people she knew. In no way was she ready or even willing to let go of her resentment.

So instead of resisting her, I advised her to hold on to her resentment until she was willing to move on, but in the meantime although she may not be able to see it right now, her resentment is costing her a great deal. Because of time constraints of the show I didn’t have the opportunity to share with her this….

What she is missing that I believe so many people miss is that holding on to resentment has no effect on the other person whatsoever. Even if you cast them out of your life and never speak to them again this hurts you more than it hurts them. Many times we believe that holding on to resentment will protect us from not getting hurt again.

The reality is resentment only lives in the heart of the person who carries it and while we think it is only being directed at that one particular person, it is being broadcast on loud speaker for the rest of the world to hear and see. As the saying goes, “Everywhere you go, there you are.”

The wall you build up around you for protection is the same wall that keeps everyone else out. The real cost of holding resentment in your heart is the love and openness that is lost between you and others. And if you are thinking, “Oh no, I don’t act closed off and angry towards other people.” Look to see where else in your life you may be closed off or unable to move ahead. You may stop yourself from taking a leap of faith into a new career or asking for something you truly desire because of this idea you have planted in your heart that you could get hurt again.

The truth is you absolutely can get hurt again, but if you learn to transcend that hurt and take the lesson you learned from it to realize something greater than you have experienced up until now…..isn’t that worth it?

Listen to me in action by clicking the links below:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/forcoloredgurls/2013/04/18/flyy-female-fabulous-kenetia-lee

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/myculturalconversations

Related articles

• Fearless.
• How To Stop Playing Beyonce’s ‘Resentment’ On Repeat And Move The Heck On
• “The Number One Offender”
• Fearless Friday – Motivational Minute 363
• Love Over Anger

It’s almost time for open-toes! Are your tootsies ready? They’ve been hiding in socks and boots all winter, and their big reveal is coming up. It’s important to take care of your feet all year, scrub them, moisturize them and keep them in tip-top shape! Here are some aah-mazing DIY foot-care treatments to have the healthiest & prettiest feet this summer!

Peppermint Sea Salt Foot Scrub

• 3.5 tbsp. coarse sea salt
• 1 tsp. vitamin e oil
• 1/2 tsp. olive oil
• 5 drops of peppermint essential oil, or add some fresh peppermint leaves

Take the mixture and just scrub your feet, focusing on dry, rougher areas. I suggest you sit on the edge of your bathtub rather than do it while showering, just because the olive oil can get pretty slippery! Dry your feet, then apply some of the balm from my next recipe.

Peppermint Foot Balm

• ¼ cup Shea butter

• 2 tablespoons coconut oil

• 2 tablespoons olive oil

• 10 drops lavender essential oil

• 10 drops peppermint essential oil

Combine all ingredients in a saucepan over very low heat, stir until melted then add essential oils. Pour the mixture into a clean container. Apply thoroughly to freshly scrubbed feet, and then put on a pair of thick, soft socks. The socks lock in the moisture so your feet will absorb all of the good stuff.

Give yourself a fresh new coat of toenail polish, & then your tootsies are ready for summer!

While your feet are moisturizing, relax with an amazing book! How about, Fearless Beauty?!

Related articles

• Peppermint oil!
• 15 Awesome Uses for Mint
• Minty Mint Bath
• Natural Remedies for the Family
• 10 Things You Can Do on Mother’s Day to Feel Great About Yourself – Mother’s Day
• Green Spring Clean

Today, instead of being completely Fearless, I want you to be afraid; I want you to dig deep into yourself and figure out what you’re truly afraid of. Not like, spiders or mice or dark alleys. (Even though those things are a little scary.) Look at the real things. The big, intangible things that hold you back and keep you from flourishing. There’s something there. We all have something.

Now think about it. Just really think about why it’s there and what you can do to make it go away. Is there someone you need to forgive? Is there someone’s forgiveness that you need? Is it your appearance? These are just a few of the endless possibilities of what can be holding you back.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

Each and every one of us filled-to-the-brim of potential. We all have so many amazing qualities that are just waiting to explode out of us and be put to use! When we’re faced with a task, there oftentimes is a sense of anxiety that comes along with it. That anxiety may seem like it’s because we’re afraid we’ll mess up, or not do a good job. No, that anxiety is that we’re going to do too well and someone might notice. Why don’t we want to expel our inner-power? Perhaps it’s because no one expects it of us? Or maybe it’s because if we do amazing at this task, we might have to do even better at the next one. That’s a lot to take on, being so amazing and all. Fears within us were meant to be overcome.

The quotation in this video is one of my favorites. It’s just so true. When faced with an obstacle, we all know we can overcome it. Instead of labeling it fear consider it a challenge to move through.

I hope this post didn’t scare you, but I hope it revealed your fears. I hope you’re reading this closing message with your own inner-dialogue telling you what’s wrong.

Related articles

• Be Fearless Even When You Have Good Reason To Be Afraid
• Fear VS Fearless
• 14 Ways to Be Fearless
• Fearless Friday…
• Facing Fears and Finding Freedom
• Are You Afraid? Top Fears of Parents